For Rae
by Penny Scotts
Summary: What if Sebastian survives the last war and Clary was able to create a Rune that would release him from the Demon blood that has consumed his entire person? What if it happened, and he's living his life now as a true Shadowhunter, but he doesn't remember the past? Or he's just pretending to NOT remember them? What if the Demon blood wasn't completely gone? What if he found love?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Recurring Nightmare**

Java Jones, a small mundane coffee shop, is especially full tonight. This has been our constant hide-out, if you call it like that, for almost a year. Maybe it's because this is Simon and Clary's favourite place and they feel they belong here, like everything was back to being normal now that the war has passed. Jace, being Clary's boyfriend, goes wherever she goes, dragging me along. Maia is always here, too. Jordan is the lead singer of the band playing now on the small stage with Simon beside him playing bass. They look like they were enjoying their time there but if I'm to be honest, they suck. "By the Angel!" Jace exclaimed almost everytime he listens to them. I couldn't care less what else this place offers or who they put on the stage, I just want to be with these people as much as possible as I can. It's the only thing I could do to return their forgiveness: to be someone that is good.

We've also been hunting demons now and then, without much effort I must say. And fighting beside Jace—it's a piece of cake, as I heard the mundanes say it. And Clary is strong, too. Strangely enough, training and fighting Demons has become our brother and sister bonding, with the occasional visits from our mother, Jocelyn. I was still trying to adjust to the fact that I have a mother and Clary has been helping me how to deal with it. She's not forcing me, nor does Jocelyn, to become instantly like what a family is supposed to be and I've never been more thankful.

Everything may seem almost too perfect now but it wasn't always like this. A year ago, it was utter chaos. A year ago, two wars between good and evil ensued which resulted to nothing and claimed too many lives. The first war was led by Valentine Morgenstern. He was killed. The second one was led by his son. He is alive. And he is me.

We all cringed as we heard a loud feedback from the microphone.

"Sorry guys," Jordan said, laughing apologetically. "That was the mic being all too excited. Now, allow us to sing our last song for the night."

"Oh, thank the Angels," I heard Jace say.

"Why do you even come to this place if you hate them so much?" I asked.

Jace raised an eyebrow in a perfect mocking arch that only he could do. "Are you seriously asking me that?"

I shrugged. "Why? Don't tell me that asking you a question is now considered offensive?"

He stared at me some more as if I was the most stupid person in the world, which is going to be very offensive on my part if not for the fact that he look at everyone like that. "Yes," he said. "Because the question is offensive." He looked at Clary. "I do it for love."

Clary scoffed. "Please."

"You still doubt my love and devotion for you after all that I've done?"

"Okay," I said, standing up. "I don't want to hear you two discuss that topic in front of me so I'm going to go get some more coffee. Clary you want a refill?"

She smiled, shaking her head. "Nah, I'm good."

"Alright," I took my cup and put it back down, deciding to order an iced coffee this time. Walking over to the small bar, I looked at the same girl behind the counter, wearing the Java Jones uniform under the brown Java Jones apron. She's serving other people their coffees, too.

"Here you go," I heard her say to a guy as she handed him his drink.

"Hey Rae," I said. She turned and gave me a warm smile, like she always does.

"Hey," she said.

It's not hard to like Rae. Among all the mudanes I've had to deal with, she's the one I feel most comfortable to, which is strange because I don't know her that much. But she's easy to be with and always smiles at everyone. And one of the reasons I learned from life is that it's hard to keep smiling everyday and yet she makes it look like it's the easiest thing to do. "I'll have a new one," I said.

Rae's eyes narrowed curiously. "Why the sudden change of taste?"

I chuckled. "Still so full of questions. Just give me an iced Caramel Frapuccino, will you?"

"Alright," she said and then proceeded to make my drink.

Rae and I don't talk a lot and when we do, it's always playful and teasing, but our conversations are always short. So it wonders me how come there's no tension between us. With her back on me, I took the chance to study her. She has shoulder length hair that looked like black under the yellowish dim lamp, but I knew there's a streak of dark blonde highlight on her side bangs. She's wearing their Java Jones black shirt uniform with the café's logo on the back. She has this almost fluid motion as she move around to make my drink and she caught me staring at her when she turned.

"What?" she asked. Not "stop staring at me" or a complete "what are you looking at?" but just a simple, almost irritated, what.

I couldn't help but grin.

She finished my iced coffee by spraying whip cream on the top before putting on the cover. "Here you go."

I took it from her and our fingers brushed a bit. "Thanks," I said as I paid.

"Sure. Next time you wanna ogle on all of _this_," she waved her hand on her body, "you might as well just ask. I don't mind."

A bubble of mirth rose inside me and I laughed. Rae is such a surprising woman and I like that she's very unexpected. "I'll sure hold on to that." I saw a blush creep up on her face and I walked back to Clary and Jace smiling all the way.

I woke up in the middle of the night, gasping for air, with the memory of that crucial day in mind. I'm still not over that part of my life. It's like it makes me remember every bit of the details, and letting me experience the pain over and over again as a sort of punishment. I haven't had the same dream for the past couple of weeks, and now it's back.

The dream would always start with me being dragged to the centre of the large room and then Clary would take few careful steps towards me. When she was close enough, she took out her stele and crouched in front of me then started drawing a Rune. It was the only thing that has stopped me from claiming all the Shadowhunters' lives. A Mark Clary had created that released me from being consumed by the Demon blood which was the main part that had made me so purely evil.

My first impulse as soon as she was putting the Rune on me was to attack and kill her. I was that evil that I could take it to kill my own sister. But two very strong Shadowhunters were holding both of my hands, pinning me down, forcing me to kneel on ground so I can't escape. And I wasn't able to.

Clary stepped away as she finished drawing the Rune on my chest, near my heart. At first, I felt nothing. I even barked out a mocking laugh. I remember telling her all sorts of horrible words I could come up with. I insulted her—her power as the Creator, telling her it was useless and it wouldn't do anything to me. But she just stood there in front of me with her soft, unwavering, tear-stricken green eyes as she said, "Come back to us. Come back to me." And that was when it started.

I remember feeling my body burning, like I was literally on fire. Heat were radiating throughout my body as I fell crumpled to the cold and hard ground. I can't even remember the place. I was screaming from the agonising pain of it all.

As I was laid there on the ground, with all the Shadowhunters who are left alive watching me, memories were filling up my mind. Some I recognize, some I don't, while some I thought were only just dreams. And with one last glance at the girl with flaming red hair, the girl who has always been present in my dreams, I closed my eyes as I surrendered myself to the darkness, letting it swallow me into oblivion. And all I could think was, I'm going to die.

But I didn't. And when I woke up, I wasn't Valentine Morgenstern's evil son. I was a new guy. And the hardest part of it all was I _knew_ I was once evil, but for some unknown reasons, all the despicable things I had done…I couldn't remember any of them. The only way I was made aware of my past actions was because Maryse, the head of New York Institute, told me everything the morning after I woke up. She had me seated on what would look like a library, with the Inquisitor, as they both took turns interrogating me. None of them didn't expect that I would have my memory erased, even Clary.

Maryse told me all the things I have done; all the people that I had killed; how I was able to raise a war unlike any other and almost put the entire Shadowhunters' race to near extinction. It was all I could do to keep on sitting there as I listened and not run for the door and tell her that what she was telling me were all lies. But I stayed. Just looking at her face told me they were all true. And I could feel it in me. I remember the transformation, so maybe it was the reason why I know I was once evil. I told Maryse that and I would like to think that that's the only reason why she was able to keep herself from killing me. After all, I killed her two children…

And with that, my dream would end; with me thinking about Isabelle and Max.

I shook them away from my head and took the book resting on the night stand. Jace recommended it to me and it is called Dealing with Depression. Apparently, it's a self-help book and of course, Jace specifically handpicked it from the library just to spite me. But why not give it a try? It might take my mind off that recurring dream. A dream of what once was a reality.


	2. Chapter 2- Women

**Chapter 2**

**Women**

I just received a call from Alec and I immediately thought of my mother, Jocelyn. I'm sitting at the living room of their Brooklyn apartment right now, reading one of Clary's books that Luke gave. It's called Interview With the Vampire by Anne Rice. I'm sure Luke gave this to her before Simon turned into one, or before Clary new about her true nature—I hope. I closed the book, not bothering to mark where the page where I left off. I'm not sure how I would take the story. It's interesting enough and capture how the vampires truly are, but I'm distracted by the call so I put it on the table and got up. I walked into the kitchen and found Jocelyn preparing for our dinner tonight as she hums a melody I'm not familiar with.

I hate what I'm about to say because it would surely disappoint her. When she turned and saw me, she smiled. "Hey," she said, her face lighting up upon seeing me. And this is one of the many reasons why I know my life would be different had she known I was still alive; had my father not faked our death and raised me to be a monster. To him, I was just an experiment, just as Jace was. And if Jocelyn had not flown from Idris and took Clary with her, Clary would have been another experiment too.

Valentine filled me with hatred towards this woman. According to Jocelyn, ever since I was a kid, she had a feeling Valentine was doing something to me. She would look at me and not see the son she had born. I feel nothing but anger and hate, and I was cruel. She also told me I despised her. I would not let her touch me.

I am thankful I couldn't remember any of that at all. I can't even swallow the thought that I tried to kill her once, and Clary, too. No wonder I can't remember my childhood; Valentine was already making me drink Lilith's blood from the moment I could walk.

"Hey," I said. "What are you doing?" I asked, even though I know.

"Dinner," she said, grinning.

I smiled a bit then nodded. "So, uhm… I won't be staying here tonight."

She stopped chopping a carrot and turned to me. "What do you mean?" She looked a bit annoyed because tonight I'm supposed to sleep here. Ever since I was _healed_—as Jocelyn puts it—she wanted me to atleast spend time with them, as a family, even only once per week, and we agreed that I should stay here every Friday night. But Alec called and said Maryse ordered us that we should be at the Institute tonight to discuss the thing that's currently happening around Brooklyn, and I have to be there. I want to be of help. I want to be useful.

"Jocelyn, I have to stay at the Institute tonight to help investigate why there are a sudden number of Demon appearances for the last two days," I answered. "Maryse said we should all be there. Even you, if you want."

She put the knife down and looked away. She seemed to be pondering what I said. The thing I like best about Jocelyn is that she doesn't insist that I call her mother, or mom. She said I could call her anything I like, as long as I'm comfortable with it. So I chose to just call her by her name, which Clary doesn't really approve; saying it was disrespectful. I don't understand. She calls Luke, Luke and not dad even though he has been the father she never had; especially now that her mother and him are finally married. When I pointed this out to her, she scowled at me. From the past months that we've been together—as real brother and sister—I've come to know that Clary has a bad temper, which I think is perfect for Jace's snarky and sarcastic to a fault personality. The two striking pair is very entertaining to watch once they engage in serious banter.

"Well," Jocelyn finally said, crossing her arms to her chest. "I haven't been a Shadowhunter for years and I don't know if I still have the skills or—"

"Mom," came a female voice. I turned to see Clary walking inside the kitchen and stand next to me. "We all know you still have it in there. But you know what, if you're not comfortable with it then it's okay. Just please, Sebi and I need to be at the Institute tonight."

I turned to my sister, raising an incredulous eyebrow. "Actually, you don't really need to be there." That earned me a deadly glare from her.

Jocelyn looked at Clary. "Is that true?"

"Ugh!" Clary exclaimed, rolling her eyes out on me. "You know what? I'm not liking this brother-sister thing that we have."

I chuckled. "Why? Am I doing a poor job of it?"

"Very," Clary bit out. Jocelyn was just standing there, her mouth twitching into a suppressed laugh. It sent me a feeling of great relief.

"Relax, Clary. I know Jace would be equally furious if I don't bring you along." Glancing at the clock above the kitchen table, I turned to Jocelyn. "It's time. We have to go."

"Uh, wait. I don't remember allowing you two to go," Jocelyn said.

"Ah, we can't remember asking for your permission, either," I said, grinning at my mother. I kissed her cheek and took Clary's hand as we walk out from their Brooklyn apartment.

* * *

Because Luke used his car and Clary doesn't have one, I found myself inside a subway train, sitting quietly. Even though it's not my first time, I can't still have it in me to get used to doing mundane things like this. Transportation is always a nuisance. We Shadowhunters couldn't fly, which is a pity. According to Simon, Shadowhunters were privileged to have super strengths, super swords, and super symbols that make us super extraordinary but alas, we were not given the power to travel easily and fast.

It was hilariously true.

But speaking of Simon—we don't talk that much. But we're almost always together since Clary is his bestfriend and he's a part of the Shadow World now; being a vampire as he is. I understand how he treats me. I killed the love of his life—well, not technically, but I was the reason. He almost killed me when he found out I was alive and I almost let him.

At that point in my life, after knowing the full extent of the damage that I've caused, I didn't care if someone would come and kill me; to have their revenge. If anything else, I was even surprised when The Clave gave me another chance. I was saved because I couldn't remember anything that I've done. I was pardoned because I became the helpless and innocent man who was used by Valentine for his own, selfish needs.

If it were me, I would have thrown me to the Silent City and made sure I rot in there. It was what was supposed to be the right punishment. It was what I was expecting to happen. But Clary fought for me. She, along with Jace, Alec, Jocelyn, and surprisingly, Maryse, witnessed for me. They persuaded The Clave to practically change their minds. And they were successful.

I turned and looked at Clary. She is, as always, drawing on a notebook that she carries around with her. It was filled with sketches of the portal, the Runes, the Institute and portraits of Jocelyn, Simon, Luke, Alec, Jace—mostly Jace, and occasionally, me. I couldn't help but smile.

I don't know how she manages to be with me. She should be repulsed by my mere presence. In fact, _they _should all be hateful towards me. Even though we've talked about it, I still refuse to understand their reason for forgiving me. I don't deserve any of it.

"If you continue to look at me like that," Clary said, still looking down on her notebook, "those girls on your right will kill me."

I frowned and turned to find two girls a few feet away sitting across me. They were in a school uniform, both blondes.

"Any minute now," Clary added.

"What are you talking about?" I don't know why those women would want to kill her. "Are they Demons? No, they're not Demons. I would have seen their true form."

Clary laughed so hard her pencil and notebook both fell to the floor. Shaking my head, I bent down and retrieved them. "I don't get what's funny in what I said," I muttered.

"Oh Seb," Clary said. "You don't know much about girls, do you? And you don't know much about yourself, either."

I went instantly rigid.

"Christ! That came out wrong." Clary sighed. "What I meant to say was you don't know much about your effect on women."

I immediately relaxed and smiled at her, handing her the notebook and pencil. "It's alright. And I don't need to know my effect on women. They're not my priority now."

"Really?" Clary said, sounding unconvinced.

"Yes. I have you and Jocelyn to look out to. I don't need another one. You two are already a handful."

She jabbed her elbow on my ribs causing me to chuckle. "Shut up," she said. "If I don't know you enough, I would have suspected you're attracted to a certain female working at Java Jones."

"Rae?" I blurted out in disbelief.

Clary smiled knowingly. "You know, it's interesting that she's the first one you thought of even though I didn't mention a name."

I felt an unwanted heat climbing up to my face and I looked away. _What the hell?_

But my annoying sister saw it for she gasped and said, "See?! You're in love!"

Now that one is absolutely not true. "No and you are not going to walk around telling everyone what you're thinking of doing. Swear it to me, Clary."

"Why are you so defensive? You look so obvious, Seb."

"If you do not stop teasing me, I will tell Jace you are drawing him almost naked while you're riding on a subway train," I threatened, nodding towards her notebook. A very obvious blush crept up on her face as she clumsily closed her notebook and put it inside her bag.

I sat back lazily on the cold steel seat, chuckling. "And the winner of this round goes to," I turned to her and grinned, wiggling my eyebrows. "Me."

* * *

It was Saturday night and all our eyes are fixed towards the new comer singing on the stage. "Who is she?" I asked Rae as she serve us our drinks.

"That's Flo, my friend. Our new singer," Rae answered.

"I haven't seen her around."

"That's because she just moved in a month ago and she doesn't go here. If I didn't persuade her to try and apply as a singer, she would never have set foot in this café."

I frowned a bit, still studying the new girl playing the small piano as she sang songs requested by the small crowd. She had long black hair and black eyes, with an almost tanned complexion which I think is her natural skin colour because it's obvious that she's Asian.

"Isn't she pretty?" Rae said.

I turned to her. There was an obvious fondness in her voice as she stand there, putting the tray to her chest, looking at her friend. I'm sitting down with Jace beside me, saying something snarky but I didn't listen to him. My eyes are fixed on Rae. Looking up at her, watching her mouth smiling as she slowly closes her eyes, I was filled with that overwhelming feeling again: my stomach twisting and my heart pounding fast. Suddenly, what Clary had said yesterday echoed through my mind, and I abruptly turned away.

It's impossible, right? I cannot be attracted to Rae. She's…no it's just not possible. I've known her for months and I know that she' really something. Everytime I walk inside Java Jones, she's the first one I look for. I didn't even realize I was doing it if Clary didn't point it out. I defended myself by telling her it was just a habit, or a sort of reflex. But even so, it would be so very wrong and complicated.

It's her smile, I think. It has always been her wide, beautiful smile that always leaves me uneasy. She's the most friendly and approachable person, and easy to talk with, but then she would flash me that smile and I get a bit nervous that I end up talking to her in small clipped tones because I can't figure out as fast as I can what I'm going to say to her, or how to answer some of her questions. That's why I'm always resorting to teasing her which never works because it's me who always end up being teased.

Rae put the tray down and sighed. "I just love her voice."

My gaze turned back to her. My thoughts were, yes, but your voice sounds much better. It was a good thing I had stopped myself from saying just that and embarrass the both of us.

When she heard not one word from me, she turned and said, "I'd better go back there. Just signal if you want a new order. Or you could go there."

I just nodded, albeit a bit forceful.

"Loss for words you are, huh?" Jace commented.

"Oh, shut up." I know what he's about to say next so as early as the first word, it's very important to prevent Jace from talking again.

"Whatever you say."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Accused**

As I've said, training had become Clary and I's bonding. Over the course of months, I've been her sparring partner, teaching her how to improve her fighting skills, to move swiftly and accurately and kill demons with just one pierce of the seraph blade. Of course, never a day goes by that Jace wouldn't watch us with an irritated scowl on his face.

"Left…" I said as she moved her blade fluidly through the air. "Right...Now try to think that I transformed into my true form." She positioned her blade up and gripped it tightly, preparing to pierce it right through me. She was about to do that when I captured her free hand and pinned her down. She instantly got away and crouched. "Steady," I said, smiling proudly because she remembered what I told her that she should do. "Now go!" And she kicked my knees. I yelled in pain. "Not my knees, Clary! My ankle."

She stood up with a confused look. "What's the problem with kicking your knees?" she asked.

"Lowering to the ground and kicking my ankle would make me fall which would give you time to rise and stab your seraph blade at me," I explained.

"But Demons doesn't have ankles," she reasoned. This made Jace, who was leaning on a post watching us train for the last hour, laugh with his signature sarcastic tone. I always thought a person could only be sarcastic by his words, but somehow, Jace could be sarcastic even when he's sleeping.

"That's right, Clary," he said. "Demons don't have ankles. I don't really know what you're thinking Seb, but you're no good sparring partner."

I shrugged. I am not in the least bit insulted. If anything else, I'm amused because Clary would never agree Jace to be her partner. "Then why don't you trade places with me? I'm sure Clary would _love _it." I said, mockingly. He's not the only one that has a dry sense of humour here.

"No," Clary protested. "Never. I don't want to train with you Jace becaue you know the reason."

I smirked. "Another no, Jace? Surely that's enough for you to handle."

He scowled. "Whatever," he said and looked at Clary. "I think you're done for today. Come on."

I looked at my sister. Her red hair was tied up securely, her mouth open, trying to steady her breathing, sweat dripping from the nape of her neck and her eyes were throwing daggers at Jace. And I smiled. She never likes being ordered about, especially by her boyfriend. She turned to me and rolled her eyes. "Stop smiling," she said.

"You two—"

I didn't get to finish what I was saying because Jace said, "Come on, Clary. I'm starving."

That did it. With the seraph blade still on her hand, she stalked towards Jace and said, "Stop talking to me like I'm a dog in which you can order about. And if you're hungry then why don't you just go and get your own damned food, you pompous ass." And then she walked out from the room.

When she was gone, I leaned on a table, holding my stomach because I was laughing way harder thant I should, as Jace turned to scowl at me some more.

"Stop laughing."

"You know I am not threatened by your deadly scowls, right? In fact, no one is."

He turned on his heels and followed Clary without another word.

* * *

It's seven in the evening and Jace, Clary, Maryse and I are having dinner, and then Maryse spoke. "What's the news about the Demons?"

Jace and I exchanged looks. "It seemed their number had doubled. But no attack has happened. No reports of missing or killings."

"In the last two nights, we've noticed that they seem to be patrolling," I said. "Just looking around, looking at each mundanes' faces. They're in cops' uniforms so they don't look suspicious. And whenever they see us, they don't even make a move. Not one. Not a single bloody one."

Jace didn't say anything. He continued eating, looking down at his food. I know he's pissed off. He couldn't discover what the Demons are doing. If not for Maryse's orders, he would have killed them by now.

"What about the vampires? Are they doing something?" Maryse asked.

"No. Atleast not that we know of," I said.

Clary looked at me and said "We should talk to Simon about this—"

"No," Jace cut in before she could finish her suggestion. "Let's leave Simon out of this."

I frowned. "That is if he wanted nothing to do with this," I said. I don't want to keep anyone of us out. It's not supposed to be a great secret. People in Brooklyn are in danger.

Jace put his fork down and looked at me. "We won't tell him."

"He knows," Clary blurted out, sighing as Jace and I turned to her in surprise. "Actually, he just called a while ago to tell me…" Clary trailed off, looking between us and Maryse. "To tell me that he knows who they're after."

But before anyone of us could question who, the door burst open. Magnus came in first, throwing his hood off his head. His stance was calm but the look on his face shows that he has something important to say. Behind him was Alec, Maryse's first born son. His blue eyes turned automatically at Jace and he frowned.

"We have something important to say," Alec said.

Magnus turned to him, giving him a look that says leave it up to me, and then the warlock focused his eyes on Maryse.

"Speak, Magnus," said Maryse.

Magnus nodded. "The Demons—they're after Simon."

"That is what I was about to say," Clary said.

Alec looked at her in confusion. "He knows?"

"They are following him wherever he goes and Simon recognized a Demon," Clary glanced at me and added, "apparently, he killed a Greater Demon during the second war." I looked away from her.

"And the Eidolons," Magnus said, "are his…followers."

"Followers?" both Jace and Maryse asked. "What do you mean?" Maryse added. "Are you saying that they're like the lycanthropes? They have a sort of pack?"

"Not exactly like that, mother," Alec said. "But we still don't know either. All we know is that these Eidolons answers to someone. They are following orders. The question is who are giving them these orders."

"But Demons don't take orders," Jace argued. "They don't have masters."

"Maybe they don't, maybe they have? Maybe their master is the Greater Demon itself?" Magnus asked. "Demons don't die, you know that. They just disappear into the unknown realm, into oblivion, and then regenerate."

"Yes, but not that fast. It's only been a year."

"Maybe they could do that? Who knows?" Magnus looked at me and I frowned. "Or maybe, Simon wasn't able to kill it and someone captured the Demon, put it inside the pyxis and was now freed."

They all fell silent, looking at me accusingly. It made my blood boil. I want to defend myself but I can't move. They think I'm behind this. They still think I'm their enemy; that I'm the bad guy. That I'm—

"No!" Clary rose from her seat. "Don't you dare accuse Sebastian of this," she said, anger rising through her causing her face to flush. "Magnus, I can't believe you."

The warlock raised his eyebrow. "I'm just stating possibilities."

"Do you really think he wants to kill Simon? He can't even remember what he did had we not told him!"

"Clary," Jace said, stopping her.

"No! I can assure you that Sebastian is nothing like _him_." I know she was referring to Valentine—our father—but I can't help but think that maybe, I am. I am my father's son. And I always will be.

"I've seen him struggle. I've seen him feel helpless right before my eyes, enduring all of the Shadowhunters' ridicule, and now I'm seeing it again? And from _you_, of all people?"

"Clary, enough." I stood up and faced Magnus, expecting for him to look all accusing. But I was surprised when he looked curious, instead. But I either way, he's the one who came in here and implied that I had something to do with these Demons sudden appearances, so I levelled his cat-eyes gaze and said, "You can do whatever you want with me, Magnus. I give you permission to interrogate me, put truth spells on me—hell, you can even go imprison me at the Silent City."

"Sebastian!" Clary protested, but I ignored her.

"You can all do that, and I would let you. Until you have proven that I'm innocent, I accept your accusation."

Maryse stood up abruptly, looking directly at the warlock. "Magnus, come with me." She then started walking out of the room.

But before he followed Maryse, he stepped little closer to me and said, "Not quite what I expected." And then he turned and smiled at Clary, leaving her confused.

"What was that about?" she asked. I don't know ift she meant was the whole Magnus accusing me, or just the last things he said because if it was the latter, I don't know. I honestly have no idea why he said them. Was he just testing me? If so, why?

Alec just shook his head at Clary and followed Magnus.

"Clary," Jace spoke, "what does Simon think about this?"

"He said that he could be wrong, and we should leave them alone for now because they're not doing anything," Clary answered.

Yes, leave them alone. I just hope those bloody Demons continue to stay away from us, leave us alone, too, because if they hurt Simon, if they even just as much as touch anyone I grew to care about… I'll kill them Demons all myself.

Wordlessly, I walk out of the room. I don't know what Jace thinks. He probably blames me, too. And I don't want to live forever in Clary's mercy. She saved me, yes, but I'm not some vulnerable Shadowhunter. I am strong. I am capable. But I still haven't proved myself to them enough. Until then, I'm always going to be considered as a threat.


	4. Chapter 4- What's IT Going to Be?

**Chapter 4**

**What's it Going to Be?**

This seemed to be an off day for me. I woke up with a terrible headache which is the result of too much reading last night, I think. And then I tried calling Simon to talk to him about the Demons but he's not answering my calls. I was stupid enough to assume that maybe, this time, he would. I went out of my room and walked on Clary and Jace making out on the couch, which resulted in a very awkward, very weird, and very terrible exchange of sorry's. So, I decided to spend my day at Java Jones instead, even though it's already 2 in the afternoon. Yeah, I had slept late so it's only normal that I wake up late, too.

After what happened last night at the Institute, I decided to go home. Clary came with me. And when we got home, Jocelyn and Luke were surprised. She didn't ask what happened though, which was a good thing. I didn't want to tell her that Magnus was accusing me about the Demons. I don't know if Clary mentioned it to her because I went straight to my room and slept. I listened to some songs she recommended to me, and read a few books. And waking up with seeing your sister and her boyfriend making out is a good way to clear off my head from that issue.

Anyway, as I was on my way to Java Jones, I walked pass these kids who made fun of my clothes and Runes, calling them terrible tattoos. That's when I realized I wasn't glamoured. So I ran back to the apartment and changed my clothes. I had thrown off a red-brown jacket over my white shirt to cover up my arms. I'm not in the mood to glamour them. For the first time, I just wanted to blend in. And I did. I looked like a typical mundane.

I suddenly felt excited to show someone my new look and because I was headed off to Java Jones, the first one to ever see me not wearing anything black would be Rae. But when I arrived there, I didn't see a porcelain skinned woman brewing and preparing coffee drink behind the counter.

Now, as I sit here in my usual spot, staring at my coffee for the last fifteen minutes, I feel lost. I know I'm just being melodramatic. I could go out and kill stray Demons now if I want to, but then that would require me going back to the apartment to get my things and if by some unfortunate turning of events, I'd stumble into Clary and Jace doing _things_ again, I don't think I'd let Jace live. It was the first time I've ever wanted to punch the man. It was—I let out an inward amused smile—the first time my overbearingness as a brother had surfaced. So that was how it felt to want to protect someone's virtue.

With a smirk, I took the cup and drank down the remaining coffee. I cringed at the coldness of it, regretting that I didn't drink it when it was still warm. But nonetheless, the bitter taste replaced the image of Clary and Jace kissing inside my head. I hope to never witness that again.

After a few minutes, Jordan arrived. He smiled and gave me an incredulous look. "Damn, Sebastian," he started. "What has gotten into you?"

I chuckled. He was looking up and down at me. "I finally succumbed to this mundane dress code. What I'm wearing right now, apparently, is called casual." Of course, I have my knowledge of mundane fashion. Luke was educating me about it. He said he doesn't want to make his son look like a Mafia killer. I asked him what Mafia is, he said never mind. It resulted to Luke stocking my closet with mundane clothes. He said that it's for future purposes. And then after that…I relished at the fact that he called me son. It didn't come out as forced. Luke just casually said it out loud without even realizing what he just said. It took us both by surprise but neither had made a big reaction. We both just laughed it off.

"I don't believe you," Jordan said, plopping down on the couch beside me. "Did Clary do a make-over to you?"

"Was that an insult to me or to her?" I asked because we both know Clary can't dress like a proper girl to save her life.

Jordan grinned. "I applaud you for knowing it was a friendly insult."

I shrugged. "I happen to have a dry sense of humour, too."

"Yeah. That's why Jace doesn't like you."

"Not really. He just can't accept the fact that I'm more handsome than him, and more soft and sweet."

Jordan laughed. "He especially hates the way you just talk. I don't know what's his problem."

"He likes no one. That's his problem," I concluded.

"He likes Clary," Jordan pointed out.

I shrugged. "No, he loves her. So, he has no choice but to like her."

Jordan let out a short laugh. "Now it makes sense. I always thought he'd die of old age because of his attitude. Oh well. So hey, what are you really doing here alone?"

This time, I don't know what to say to Jordan. But instead of lying, I simply said "I found myself alone, that is all." I don't want to tell him I'm trying to get away from our home because I caught my sister making out with her boyfriend. I cringed as the image rose up on my mind again.

Jordan didn't buy it even for a second. "You're here because you have someone who you will meet, yes? Or do you have a crush on a specific customer here and you're waiting for her to arrive?"

"None of the above, Jordan. I'm not here for a specific purpose other than to drink coffee and be all dark and brooding and let the women come to me instead, so I won't have to bother myself going after them. If someone comes, then I'll entertain her. If there's none...I don't really think there's not a single female here who is immune to my quiet charms."

"Really?" said an incredulous female voice.

I looked up to find Rae standing beside me. Her face was calm and yet it displayed some kind of annoyance. Apparently, she heard everything I said. "At least, that's what I've come to know."

She raised her eyebrow. "Let's give you an hour, then." She challenged.

Grinning, I said "Fine with me."

Rae then proceeded to go to the back of the café, to change into her uniform perhaps.

"Did Rae just challenge your ability to get a woman without doing anything?" Jordan asked.

I wonder why she didn't notice what I'm wearing. I felt a pang of disappointment for not being worthy of her observation. Wait. Why do I need her opinion on how I dress myself? Now that I think about it, it sounded very ridiculous. "Yes," I answered Jordan. "I think she just did."

"How's the woman hunt going on, Seb?" asked Rae. I kept myself from rolling my eyes out. She knows she's winning. It's five minutes to three and I've managed to snag a zero number of women.

"Never underestimate the power of five minutes," I said just so I could say something, no matter how lame it is. I'm sitting at the bar stool, eating chocolate cake. Rae said it was made by Brie, and since Marcus loves it, he added it on the cafes menu. I guess I'd have to agree with Marcus. It really is delicious.

Rae laughed, but it was a mocking one. "Sebastian, when will you realize that women are not how you perceive them to be?"

I licked off some chocolate moist off the spoon, absentmindedly, and looked at her. I caught her staring and a flush crept up to her cheeks. I grinned inwardly. Yeah Rae, I thought, so much for telling me I have no effect on women. I cleared my throat deliberately to snap her out of it. "Which is?" I asked, getting back to the topic.

She cleared her throat and grabbed a tray of cups, turning her back to me as she started washing them. "We are intelligent enough," she said, "and I can say more intelligent than your specie, to distinguish a man from a boy."

This made me frown in disbelief. "Are you implying that I'm merely a boy?"

"Not exactly. I'm just saying that a pretty face can't always win a woman. You should know that," she explained.

If she thinks I'm just a boy— a mere, incapable boy who doesn't know anything about the world, she is so very wrong. "What exactly is your point?"

This time, she sighed and turned back to me. "If you think your being extremely good looking is enough to get a woman, then you're right. But do you really expect for her to come to you _and_ take you seriously?"

Her question confused me.

Shaking her head, she said, "I don't think so. And it would be very insulting on your part, right?"

What is she talking about?

Rae returned to washing the cups, but still wasn't finished talking. "Women who only go for looks and money are—"

"Wait, are we talking about money right now?"

She sighed again, this time it sounded between tired and irritated. "No, but we're talking about women. And I'm trying to lecture you about women."

Okay, this is really confusing me. "Why? I didn't ask you to."

Rae abruptly turned to me. "No, you didn't. But I happen to have been offended by your declaration than no woman can resist your 'quiet charm'."

She was fuming. Why is she mad at me? Why was she even offended at the first place? Is it because—

"Are you attracted to me?" I asked out of nowhere.

The look of disbelief formed on her face as her eyes widened in horrification.

_No way!_

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

By the Angel, she is! "You are," I said. I'm not laughing. Hell, I'm not even smiling. I'm as shocked as her and I am…I am in awe.

Rae blushed so hard, her cheeks look like it might explode. "Sebastian, do not even think for a second that I am attract—"

"Oh cut the bullshit, Caito."

She was taken aback. "How did you know my last name?"

I rolled my eyes. "That's not the point. The point is you are attracted to me."

This silenced her. Her expression told me I caught her red-handed. She was trapped. She's cornered like the proverbial bunny—as what I heard from Clary—and she hates it. "So?" she asked, trying to sound flippant. "Let's say yes, yes I am, what will you do?"

This time, I smiled. "Why don't you just give up and admit it?"

"Why the fuck do you keep on insisting that I am attracted to you?"

"Because, for some reason, I'm attracted to you, too." There, I've said it. I've finally admitted to myself, too. I am attracted to her. I just don't know how much. But there it is and I can't hide it any longer. I looked at Rae to find out what her reaction is but then…

"What the hell?" She's not there anymore.

Rae's reaction was—apparently—fleeing. She just ran away to Marcus' office, without a word.

"Well," I said, throwing my hands up in disbelief. "There goes my first confession."

A loud laugh made me turn around. "What just happened?" asked Jordan, with a wide grin plastered on his face.

"I have no idea," was all I could say.


	5. Chapter 5- The Annoying Arrow

**The Annoying Arrow**

_"Jonathan… Oh, Jonathan…_"

I looked at a woman dressed in flowing blood red coloured gown, like she was on fire. Her hands were reaching out to me as I try to get away from her.

_"Jonathan, it's me…"_

"Go away!" I yelled. She let out a small mocking laugh, and then was quiet. Then with a chilly, pleading voice she asked, "_You can't remember me?"_

I can't remember her. I don't know her. Why is she reaching out for me? What does she want?

_"Jonathan, it's me, your mother."_

"Mother? You are not my mother! You're not Jocelyn!" I yelled again then her black eyes looked at me menacingly. She's a monster.

_"Oh, yes I am, Jonathan. I am your mother, Lilith."_

"Lilith?" I repeated, and when the realization kicked in, I broke out into a run.

_"You can never get away from me, Jonathan!" _She yelled letting out a loud, echoing laugh. A laugh that sent chills into my spine. I continued running to get away from her. "_You'll never get away from me. I'll come back for you. You're mine!" _

My eyes flew open as I gasped for air. I was sweating and shaking. With my shaking hands, I turned the lamp on beside me and squinted a bit as my eyes adjusted to the light. That's when I heard a faint laugh.

"Who's there?" I looked around my room, expecting someone to come out from the dark shadows, but no one answered. I knew I was just imagining things but I swear I heard her voice. _Her. _But it was all a dream, wasn't it? Yes, it was.

When I was convinced, I let out a relieved sigh. It was just a dream. A strange but surreal dream. Lying back down, I pulled up the blanket up to my shoulders and went back to sleep. I decided to leave the light on just in case.

As sleep slowly took me, I thought of the dream. It's impossible. Sure, I would never forget her. I _know _her. But she's not coming back. She's not going to have me again. I won't let her.

* * *

"I just heard a spectacular news from Jordan."

I groaned at Jace's announcement. His feet were perched up the dining table in the kitchen, peeling off the skin of an apple. Clary was cooking something and I was seated across from him, deliberating whether to throw the jar of sugar to his pretty face or not, and whether it would upset Jocelyn that she doesn't have sugar anymore.

I kept my hands on my cup of coffee.

"Really?" Clary asked curiously.

"Yes," said Jace. "When Jordan told me that, I couldn't quite believe it."

"Stupid traitorous dog," I muttered.

"What was that, Seb?" Jace asked.

"Nothing."

"What's it about, Jace?" asked Clary.

Jace's irritating golden eyes gleamed at me. "It's actually about your brother."

Clary immediately turned to me. Her eyebrows rose questioningly. "How come you never say anything?"

I just shrugged. "I figured your boyfriend here should tell you the delicious details. He's good at that."

"Oh, yes I am. I pride myself for that. So Clary, did you know Sebastian is in love with Rae?"

"I am _not_ in love with her," I said. "Don't try to change the words I used just to make it amusing."

"Pity," said Clary. "What then did you say exactly?"

Jace chuckled. "Alright. Apparently, he said he was attracted to Rae."

Clary gasped. "And?"

"And," Jace continued. "He said it to her face."

"Oh my God, Seb!" Clary exclaimed, walking towards me. "I am so proud of you."

I looked at her disbelievingly. "You're proud of me? For what?"

"For being honest with yourself, with what you feel. And being open about it."

"O…kay? I guess thank you is necessary?"

Jace spoke after taking a bite off the apple. "So, you guys are dating?"

I shook my head. "Uh, no."

Clary scolded Jace to put down his feet and then turned to me. "You should go and tell her you two should date."

I frowned. "Why? Is that necessary?" I don't know much about relationships but seriously, just because I am attracted to someone doesn't mean I should date her, right?

"You're hopeless," Jace bit out. "Just go and tell her you like her. Date her, if you must. Find out where those raging hormones will get you. She obviously likes you too, you know."

My face jerked in his direction. "She does?"

"You don't know?" Jace asked, frowning.

"She didn't say anything."

"She ran away," Jace said. "Fleeing is an act of guilt. You accused her of being attracted to you first and when you told her that you are, she ran away."

"Is that what really happened?" Clary asked.

I nodded.

"Don't be a pussy and go face her. She must be freaking out," Jace advised.

"And when did you become the expert on women?" I asked him.

"I am not. I'm just not as stupid as you."

Right. Shame on me for thinking I'd get a serious answer. "Fine. I'll go talk to her tonight."

Jace nodded. "Good."

Why do I feel like he just gave me an advice I didn't need? Was Jace trying to be a matchmaker?

I turned to Clary with the question in my eyes and she just shrugged with a small smirk on her face, then went back to the kitchen.

I don't understand anything. Last night I almost couldn't sleep because I kept on dreaming about a woman who is not supposed to be existing anymore. Tonight, I'm about to face a real one. I think I'll follow Jace's advice, no matter how much it pains me. He's right. Rae must be freaking out right now. I should go talk to her about what I did. It has been two days after that day, and everytime our eyes meet, she would look away. She wouldn't talk to me. This has got to stop. We two should date. I think.

* * *

"Loving him was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street. Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly."

Flo was singing tonight and that's the line of her first song. I don't know the song nor do I know what the song was talking about. But apparently, Jace knows because he was explaining it to me. I wasn't listening, of course. My eyes are focused on the bar. Particularly at the girl standing behind it, serving drinks, talking to Marcus.

I narrowed my eyes. I couldn't pinpoint exactly what but there's something wrong in the picture. So I got up without a word to Jace, Clary or even Simon, and went over to Rae.

"Hey Sebastian," Marcus greeted.

I smiled a bit at the brooding manager slash owner of Java Jones. "Hey. Uh, can I talk to Rae for a few minutes?"

He nodded. "Sure, I'll leave."

"No," I stopped him. "You can stay here. I want to talk to her outside, alone, if it's okay."

"Why don't you ask me if it's okay?" Rae asked.

I turned to her and smiled. "Okay then. Wi—"

"No," she cut in before I could finish what I was about to say.

Frowning, I searched her face to see if she seriously doesn't want to talk to me. "Alright. Tomorrow." Turning my back on them, I returned to my seat beside Jace and Clary but not before I heard her saying, "Looking forward to it."

Much later after Flo's set, it was Jordan's band turn and what happened was something none of us were expecting. It should have been clear from the start, but I'm talking about Jordan, and when it comes to Jordan, the only girl he had ever been serious with was Maia. And now…he's standing in front of the microphone, looking directly at Amy, while he professes his love for her through a song. How romantic could it get?

While it was happening, I kept on looking at Rae but she was busy trying to calm her friend down, with a funny smile on her face. I'm not used to being attracted to someone—in fact I've never been attracted to someone. Not that I can remember. So this feeling is all new to me. Why don't I just give in to see what will happen? I'm not yet ready for a serious relationship like what my sister and Jace have because I don't think I'll be able to make a woman happy. But Rae is here and I feel something for her. But I'm a Shadowhunter and she's a mere mundane. It's impossible to be with her.

"Makes you think, huh?" said Jace.

"About what?" I asked.

"Just about everything."

"Jace, I'm not in the mood for one of your puzzles."

He then slapped me on my back. "Sebastian, I've known you to be tough, impulsive and cunning. Please don't tell me you don't possess those characteristics anymore."

I looked at him with utter confusion in my face. "I still am those things but what are you really trying to say?"

When he spoke, he has this sardonic face that irritates me so much. "Think of it this way. You're a target, I'm the arrow and you've been shot by my arrow of advice. All you have to do is pull it out and do what it says."

By the Angel, what is he saying? Is this man boozed? But this café doesn't serve any alcoholic drinks. "Jace, I seriously have no idea what you're talking about."

He snorted. "Yes you do, you just don't want to acknowledge it."


	6. Bonus Chapter- Worried Jace

_*****__I am so sorry if I haven't been writing lately. I just…I needed a respite. And apart from that, I'm currently on a state of having a writer's block. I can't promise to give you the next chapter for the next days or weeks but I will TRY. I promise I will sit in front of my computer and squeeze something out. Anyway, while waiting, I give you this bonus chapter in Flo's POV. This happened during ALMOST and it's sort of a teaser for the overall plot of RAE and SEBASTIAN's story. I hope you find this little spoiler fun to read. Thank you. _

_Penny Scott_

_xoxo_

**Worried Jace**

My phone's ringing again for the third time as I close the bookstore I'm working at, pulling down the roll up door and securing it with a heavy lock. I perfectly know who it is but I don't particularly want to talk to him. Not right now, not tomorrow, not in a few more weeks if I can. Rae and Amy now know the reason why we're not talking. No, not the whole truth, but lies that are coated with a bit of truth. I doubt they understand it but if they don't, they made no mention and just kept their silence. That's what I love the most about them; they respect my silence more than anything else. They don't push me too hard. Whatever I do, they're just there for me, not leaving my side. That's why I'm worried for them because their boyfriends are not what they appear to be. Would those guys ever tell them the truth?

As I walk back to my apartment, I play the keys on my fingers, losing myself into the music coming out from my earphone; trying to put everything off my mind, to forget all about the worries and dramas for once. I could get used to—

I almost lost my shit because someone suddenly pulled from the street and dragged me into a dark alley. I was about to scream when a hand covered my mouth.

"It's just me," said the man.

Focusing my eyes on him, I rolled my eyes. I was more annoyed now than scared. "Jace," I said, letting out a sigh of relief the moment he released his hand from my mouth.

"I need to talk to you," he said.

"You know you could have gone to my apartment, knocked on my door and asked to talk to me in a nice way like a normal person would, and not drag me to a dark corner like some rapist and freak me out."

Jace chuckled. "You know, you could pass as my sister—"

I scoffed, interrupting him. "I've come to know from the people around you that one Jace is already too much, so no thanks."

Jace laughed. "I was just telling you how you could pass as a Herondale because of your attitude and you have just proven yourself."

I shake my head. "No, thanks. I already have a brother."

"Shame," he said and then stared at me.

I felt very conscious all of a sudden. "What?"

He crossed his arms. "So, I'm here not because of you, but because of your friend, Rae."

I panicked. "Why? Did something happen to her? Is she alright? Where is she?" I blabbered. My mind was racing and all I could think of were the worst case scenarios. "If something bad happens to her, I swear to God—"

"Shut up," Jace ordered me and my mouth closed. "She's not in any danger."

"Well then, what?"

"It's about her and Sebastian," he said.

I frowned. "What about them?"

"You might as well know," he sighed and then looked at me seriously. "We Shadowhunters have rules. One: We can't marry our Parabatais." Before I could ask what that is, he went on to explain. "A Parabatai means he/she is more than just your bestfriend or your sibling. Your Parabatai is your other half, the one who always got your back, the one you give your life to. Not all Shadowhunters are lucky enough to have a Parabatai but I'm one of the lucky ones since I have Alec."

I gaped at him. "He's your Parabatai?"

"And I am his, yes," he nodded. "Now, Rule Two: The law is hard but it is the law. Meaning, under any circumstances, the law should always be followed and acknowledged."

I wonder why he's telling me these. Does this have to do with someone like me as a candidate for Ascension? "So, those are the two rules—"

"I'm not finished. There's another one," Jace cut in. "Rule Three: If a Shadowhunter marries a mundane, he/she shall be stripped off from his powers as a Shadowhunter, will be banished from Idris—the place of the Shadowhunters—and is not allowed to ever come back again. In short, he/she shall live his life as a mundane."

After what he last said, I didn't speak for like ten seconds. All I could think of was Rae and Sebastian.

"Sebastian talked to Clary and me," Jace said. "He won't let go of Rae."

My eyes widened. "So that means?"

He nodded. "He's willing to give up being a Shadowhunter for her."

"Dear God," I muttered. "What will it do to Sebastian?"

Jace frowned. "Magnus said the process is extremely painful."

"And he's willing to do that for Rae."

"Never underestimate the power of love, Flo. Never."


End file.
